| Wow |
[03 Aug 2008|03:26am] |
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mood |
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 drunk |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Duh duh dum ding! Blam! sCidat do do do dannnngggg! Plop! Do wop Do wop D wop Sh |
] |
Wow so i havent wrote in this thing for a while. Ive been working alot and i mostly just use it to check out my comic book stuff. E#verything
has been going pretty well. I am pretty drunk right now that prolly ex[lains why im writing in this. Or maybe im just being emo? Idk. Who
knows. Yeah maybe i can be emo tonight. Not because im sad but just becasue i help design styish shirts and other shirts for a slightly
emo band. To Be Juliets Secret is the name of the band. They are pretty good. Does anyone read this stuff still? If so please respond.
Doesn't nesacerlyjgfkasl have to be in regards to the post. :) just say hello woth an addittiogngdasl sentence. Im not doing to well with big
words right now. Hence all the jfasklf;jsfjskla;fjjirowqiring..... go to www.myspace.com/paperheartclothing.com and check out my designs.
LIke them/? then buy one at shop.paperheartclothing.com :] AnywAYS WHY DOES SHIT HAVE TO BE SO DIFFICULT? oops i hit capslock
lol . blah blsah blah. I like cereal! marshall would get that line. RDJ "Robert Downey Jr." looksz fucking awesome in Tropic Thunder. Hey
played iron man that autmati\caklfkldsjally makes him elidgable too play a white guy whole turns himself into a black guy!#$ Speaking of
super Heros, Batman was fucking amazing. Applesauce. fjasklfas. Good Night i think i need to go to bed Pleas eRespond? You know who
you arre. Generally speaking tat you do know who you are? <---- dont look to deep into that comment there is no deeper meaning.
:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:
Who knew that making smilies was easier than typin. g , . *fart* gnight EVERYBODY!!!!!! also lokk at myspace.com/timtruitt your mom is
prolly on therr :P okay prolly not. Applesauce, I like Potatoes....? <---- again marshall would gety that line.
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| i kicked too much ass |
[07 Apr 2006|12:53am] |
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mood |
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 tired |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Eminem - Zelda Mix |
] |
i went to open gym at a church today with my little brother dan.
there were ten people exactly. i got put on the old guy team.
and i had to gaurd my little brother dan. out of 5 games we won
all 5 games. we kicked too much ass and it felt good.
the only part that didn't feel good was when i twisted my ankle
and got fucked by a knee in the left calf. i can barely walk
but ive got the braggin rights and thats what counts. you know
maybe i should write this thing more, i mean whats the point in
having it if i a i not going to use it. right? yeah thats right.
back to my antichrist show. good night.
|
|
| Darwin Awards |
[06 Feb 2006|09:35am] |
Yes, it's that magical time of the year again when the Darwin Awards are
bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us. Here then, are the
glorious
winners:
1. When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim
during
a hold-up in Long Beach, California, would-be robber James Elliot did
something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and
tried the
trigger again. This time it worked.
.... And now, the honorable mentions:
2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat-cutting
machine and, after a little shopping around, submitted a claim to his
insurance
company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of its men to have
a
look for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a finger. The
chef's
claim was approved.
3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during
a
blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken
the
space. Understandably, he shot her.
4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver
found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from
Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence,
the
driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a
free ride.
He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff
that the atients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies The
deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.
5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head
wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the
injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close
he could
get his head to a moving train before he was hit.
6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the
counter,
and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man
pulled
a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk
promptly
provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20
bill
on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer...$15.
(If
someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?)
7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that
he'd just throw a cinderblock through a liquor store window, grab some
booze,
and run. So he lifted the cinderblock and heaved it over his head at the
window. The cinderblock bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the
head,
knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas.
The
whole event was caught on videotape.
8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man
grabbed
her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was
able
to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the
police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back
to the
store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there
for
a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the
lady I stole the purse from."
9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a
Burger
King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 a.m., flashed a gun, and demanded cash.
The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash
register
without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said
they
weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.
******A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER*****
10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a
Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at
the
scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled
sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal
gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by
mistake.
The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the
best laugh he'd ever had.
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| damn |
[14 Jan 2006|03:42am] |
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mood |
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] |
| [ |
music |
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fjksla; |
] |
yeah i got my job back that was great.
but this has been the worst friday the 13th ever
and i mean ever. first my car broke down.
my engine siezed. fantastic. then i got charged
about 200$ from some online jerk off companies that
i broke ties with. great. and then i lost twice, thats
right, twice at tic tac toe to my girl friend.
the first time out of ignorance, the second time out of frustration.
the car will cost me about anywhere from $1500 to $2000.
i have to get the engine rebuilt. oh yeah and if anyone
knows a good mechanic that knows how to do that i
would really appreaciate the help. i supposed to get
in the mail from the companies i will send it back and
get my money back. as for the tic tac toe? i cannot get that back
nor fix it. it is gone and i have been defeated in the
game that ties, no matter what. the only thing that made my day
as ironic as it sounds was my girlfriend. she came to my rescue
when my car stalled out on walton and silver lake road at the light.
and she tried to keep me chipper. i love her. i need sleep.
i got a mad nervous what am i going to do tummy and i need to go
to bed. nighty night.
Timbo
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[11 Jan 2006|11:31pm] |
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mood |
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] |
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music |
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yes |
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HA HAAAA!!!! i told you bitches id get it back.
yeah thats right you are talking to a costco
employee again. benefiets and money are all
commin my way again. thank goodness. i thought i
wouldnt be able to live here anymore if i didnt
get it back. than it would have been back to mommies.
i am so glad i got that job back. and that is why my
all winners squad pic is up. because i am a badass.
yeah they are really lame. but thats why i have their
pic. im rambling. i gotta go play video games. yeah.
smurfs. kkk. got it. gotta go.
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[02 Jan 2006|02:27pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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optimistic |
] |
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music |
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Valient Thorr |
] |
God i havent written in this thing in forever. well at least nothing too serious.
have you ever wondered why nothing is spelt with an o instead of a u?
it just seems like it should be a u. nuthing. yeah i like that.
call up webster. i just made history. nuthing is now officially spelt with a u.
it even sounds like it needs to be spelt with a u. nuh-thing. nuthing.
anyways. the new year isnt bad. for all yous guys who dont know, i had a job at costco.
best damn job ever. 10$ an hour just to start. .25 cent
raise after 90 days. than a raise no based off of
performance no less than .25 cents every 800 hours that i work. plus the bens were good too.
i got laid off. yeah shitty especially when you get the news on new years eve. but
i also got the news that i could be called back. i thought
super fantastic. than i asked why i was laid off.
they said that the budget was low and they were not keeping
anybody. i thought fair enough. i will work off the rest of my
shift and call monday. to let them know im interested in comming back.
so wow yeah 2006 hot damn.
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[02 Jan 2006|02:24pm] |
Yeah im doing all these
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[01 Jan 2006|03:03am] |
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mood |
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 blah |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Blues Brothers Movie |
] |
Happy New Year Everyobdy.
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[24 Sep 2005|07:59pm] |
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mood |
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optimistic |
] |
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music |
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My United States of Whatever |
] |
yeah desperadoes. thats what im talking about.
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| Thinking... |
[11 Aug 2005|04:25am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 sleepy |
] |
| [ |
music |
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dane cook - Wants and Needs |
] |
I thought to myself today, now what would i do if i were a monkey or ape of some sort, now hold on i know what your thinking, your tinking oh god here comes Tim with another lame ass poop joke he is gonna say something about throwing his poop at peoples and walker bys. Tim makes so many god damn poop jokes that the kid is in love with it. well guess what? you were right. i would throw my poo cause thats what monkeys do. they dont have video games, cartoons, comics, stores, so on and so forth. they have throwing poop at eachother and thats what i would do. so there. and by the way, yeah i do love my uckin poop jokes cause poop is funny. (no it isnt) yes it is! (no it isnt) yes it is! (no it isnt) Please? (oh alright poo jokes are funny...) yes! i knew you would come around! :D
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[11 Aug 2005|04:20am] |
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mood |
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 Amazed |
] |
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music |
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I dont know |
] |
w
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[14 Jun 2005|01:25pm] |
I always kinda knew that sushi, marshal, and tomee where gay for me. but i would have never had expected aaron to be. im kind of flattered.
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| My Little Brother and his friend made this one just kidding around its pretty funny. |
[28 Apr 2005|04:53am] |
| [ |
mood |
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tired |
] |
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music |
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MSI |
] |
MY RAP- just messing around with ross
Yo my name is Dan and I keep it real,
my mad beats be what you 'bout to feel.
People make fun cuz I dont have a car,
whats with all the fuss,
f that son, pimpin ride the bus,
Cant save my money, I be spending the cheese,
When I see your mama, I'll be sure to give her a squeese,
I like to call my arms cop killers,
That movie Finding Nemo was a real movie thriller,
I like your mom, shes a fox,
But please tell her to lighten up on using the botox,
I burn rubbers and I melt ice,
I mack honeys while lookin nice.
Chorus: When you see me in the club
Holla at
When your drinkin in the pub
Holla at me
When N*ggas gettin beat down with a cop club
Holla at me
When yo girl gives you a hug
Holla at me
Ross made this chorus^^
Ross's verse
Cuz we got the beats like Slam Master G
pimpin out fossils like my name was Lucy
So lets talk about all this bling im carryin
All these carrots like im an F'in vegetarian
All the playas who think they kno,
say hey but they dont know
I got cake like its my b-day and O wait! I dont think they heard me I said I got cake like everyday my b-day.
|
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| Things to make one smile... |
[28 Apr 2005|04:39am] |
| [ |
mood |
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sleepy |
] |
| [ |
music |
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MSI |
] |
I was out walking with my 4 year old daughter.
She picked up something off the ground and started to put it in her mouth.
I took the item away from her and I asked her not to do that.
"Why?" my daughter asked.
"Because it's been laying outside, you don't know where it's been, it's dirty and probably has germs" I replied.
At this point, my daughter looked at me with total admiration and asked,
"Wow! How do you know all this stuff?"
"Uh," .I was thinking quickly, "All moms know this stuff. It's on the
Mommy Test. You have to know it, or they don't let you be a Mommy."
We walked along in silence for 2 or 3 minutes, but she was evidently pondering this new information.
"OH...I get it!" she beamed, "So if you don't pass the test, you have to be the daddy."
"Exactly" I replied back with a big smile on my face and joy in my heart.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's
> > office and says that her body hurts wherever she touches it.
> >
> > "Impossible!" says the doctor. "Show me."
> >
> > The redhead takes her finger, pushes on her left breast and screams,
> > then
> > she pushes her elbow and screams in even
> > more agony. She pushes her knee and screams; likewise she pushes her
> > ankle
> > and screams.
> >
> > Everywhere she touches makes her scream.
> >
> > The doctor says, "You're not really a redhead, are you?" "Well, no"
> > she
> > says, "I'm actually a blonde."
> >
> > "I thought so," the doctor says. "Your finger is broken."
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Office Complaint Gone Bad
Every day, a male coworker walks up very close to
a lady standing at the coffee machine, inhales a
big breath of air and tells her that her hair
smells nice.
After a week of this, she can't stand it anymore,
takes her complaint to a supervisor in the
personnel department and states that she wants to
file a sexual harassment grievance against him.
The Human Resource supervisor is puzzled by this
decision and asks, "what's sexually threatening
about a coworker telling you your hair smells
nice?"
The woman replies, "It's Keith, the midget."
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
This is very funny!
> > A first grade teacher had twenty-five students in her class and
she
> presented each child in her class the first half of a well known
> proverb
> and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb. It's
hard
> to believe these were actually done by first graders. Their insight
> may
> surprise you. While reading these keep in mind that these are first
> graders, 6-year-olds, because the last one is classic!
> >
> > 1. Don't change horses.........................until they stop
> running.
> >
> > 2. Strike while the........................................bug is
> close
> >
> > 3. It's always darkest before....................Daylight Saving
> Time.
> >
> > 4. Never underestimate the power of ........ termites.
> >
> > 5. You can lead a horse to water but ......... how?
> >
> > 6. Don't bite the hand that ..................... looks dirty.
> >
> > 7. No news
> is................................................impossible.
> >
> > 8. A miss is as good as a .............................. Mr.
> >
> > 9. You can't teach an old dog new ............... math.
> >
> > 10. If you lie down with dogs, you'll ...... stink in the morning.
> >
> > 11. Love all, trust ................................... me.
> >
> > 12. The pen is mightier than the ................. pigs.
> >
> > 13. An idle mind is..............................the best way to
> relax.
> >
> > 14. Where there's smoke there's ................ pollution.
> >
> > 15. Happy the bride who.........................gets all the
> presents.
> >
> > 16. A penny saved is ................................ not much.
> >
> > 17. Two's company, three's ..................... the Musketeers.
> >
> > 18. Don't put off till tomorrow what .......... you put on to go
to
> bed.
> >
> > 19. Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and ........you
> have to blow your nose
> >
> > 20. There are none so blind as .................. Stevie Wonder.
> >
> > 21. Children should be seen and not ........... spanked or
grounded.
> >
> > 22. If at first you don't succeed ....... get new batteries.
> >
> > 23. You get out of something only what you . ......see in the
> picture
> on the box.
> >
> > 24. When the blind lead the blind ................. get out of the
> way.
> >
> > And the WINNER and last one!
> >
> >
> > 25. Better late than ...................................pregnant.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
7 reasons not to mess with children.
A little girl: was talking to her teacher about whales.
The teacher: said it was physically impossible for a whale to
swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its
throat was very small.
The little girl: stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
Irritated, the teacher: reiterated that a whale could not swallow
a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl: said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah".
The teacher: asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"
The little girl: replied, "Then you ask him".
A Kindergarten teacher: was observing her classroom of children
while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each
child's work.
As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she
asked what the drawing was.
The girl: replied, "I'm drawing God."
The teacher: paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks
like."
Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl
replied, "They will in a minute."
A Sunday school teacher: was discussing the Ten Commandments with
her five and six year olds.
After explaining the commandment to "honor" thy Father and thy
Mother, she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat
our brothers and sisters?"
Without missing a beat one little boy: (the oldest of a family)
answered, "Thou shall not kill."
One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the
dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had
several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette
head.
She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some
of your hairs white, Mom?"
Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong
and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."
The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and
then said, "Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"
The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was
trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.
"Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all
grown up and say,'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael,
He's a doctor.'
A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the
teacher, she's dead."
A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood.
Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, "Now, class, if I stood on
my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red
in the face."
"Yes," the class said.
"Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary
position the blood doesn't run into my feet?"
A little fellow shouted,
"Cause your feet ain't empty."
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic
elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile
of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:
"Take only ONE. God is watching."
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the
table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching
the apples.
It doesn't matter how many people you send this to, just remember
if it made you laugh, your friends will laugh too.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
A blonde woman goes into a department store and tells the salesman she wants a pair of pink curtains. He assures her they have a good selection of pink curtains. He shows her many textures, prints and hues of pink fabrics. Once she has finally picked out a pink floral pattern, the salesman asked her "What sizes do you need?"
She replies "15 inches."
He exclaims "15 INCHES?! What room are they for?" She says, "I only need one, and it's not for a room. It's for my computer monitor."
The surprised salesman exclaims, "Miss, computers do not
have curtains."
The blond says "HELLOOooooooo.... I've got Windows!"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Jim and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital.
>
> >
> >One day while they were walking past the hospital
>swimming pool, Jim
>suddenly jumped into the deep end and sunk to the
>bottom of the pool.
>Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the
>bottom and pulled
>Jim out.
> >
> >When the medical director was made aware of Edna's
>heroic act, he
>immediately ordered her to be discharged from the
>hospital, as he now
>considered her to be mentally stable.
> >
> >When he went to tell Edna the news he said, "Edna, I
>have good news
>and
>bad news. The good news is you're being discharged.
>Since you were
>able
>to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and
>saving the life of
>another patient, I have concluded that your act
>displays sound
>mindedness. The bad news is, Jim, the patient you
>saved, hung himself
>right after you saved him with his bathrobe belt in
>the bathroom. I am
>so sorry, but he's
> >dead."
> >
> >Edna replied "He didn't hang himself, I put him there
>to dry. How soon
>can I go home?
-------------------------------------------------------------------
ok im tired i gotta go good bye and nuh night.....
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[25 Mar 2005|10:46pm] |
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 anxious |
] |
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music |
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my mom yelling :) |
] |
well everyone in livejournal land i am offically moving out of my house. i am moving in with marshal and darrel in pontiac. i hope it will be fun b/c i am very excited. im just happy to get out of my stressful environment into a new peaceful one. well peace out i gots ta go nuh night.
|
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| Happy Drinking Day |
[16 Mar 2005|10:47pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 energetic |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Caffiene Kids |
] |
Happy St. Patties day bitches!! :)
|
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| Not gay just sensitive... |
[26 Feb 2005|02:19am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
tired |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
MSI - Bed Of Roses |
] |
Your Brain is 66.67% Female, 33.33% Male |
Your brain leans female
You think with your heart, not your head
Sweet and considerate, you are a giver
But you're tough enough not to let anyone take advantage of you! |
And there is nothing wrong with a sensitive guy.
|
|
| Good Stuff |
[23 Feb 2005|12:18am] |
| [ |
mood |
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sleepy |
] |
| [ |
music |
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na |
] |
I got this from my Girl friend...
15 Things to do at Wal-Mart while your spouse/partner is taking their
sweet time:
1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them
in peoples carts when they aren't looking.
2. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute
intervals.
3 Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest
rooms.
4 Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone,
'Code 3' in housewares .... and see what happens.
5 Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.
6 Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7 Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers
you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.
8 When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask 'Why
can't you people just leave me alone?'
9 Look right into the security camera; use it as a mirror, and pick
your nose.
10 While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if
he knows where the anti-depressants are.
11 Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission
Impossible" theme.
12 In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using
different size funnels.
13 Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, say
"PICK ME!"
14 When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the
fetal position and scream "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!"
( And; last, but not least!)
15 Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while; and,
then, yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!"
Its goodd stuff
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[21 Feb 2005|10:05pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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stressed |
] |
| [ |
music |
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non |
] |
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| navigation |
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| |
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] |
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